I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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