OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
