This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
This house was built for laser tag.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
