You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
