there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
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