There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
