It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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