Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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