i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
