Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Randomize
