I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
