He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
