dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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