Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Randomize
