Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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