So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Randomize
