Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I need to sanitize my soul.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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