my sisters under your porch take her home
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
