i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
