Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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