My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
