haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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