I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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