My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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