He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
