How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
