my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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