your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
