I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
