If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Is it penis luge time yet?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
