I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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