Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
