This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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