so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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