Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
