Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I love you.
Bad choice
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