I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
