Three words: puerto rican gang bang
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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