no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm at about main and main street
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
