how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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