If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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