The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
