just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
