That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
