She said her name was "party"
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
