Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
