ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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