dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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