she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
