dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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