my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
