so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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