Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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