she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
i think my cat just said my name.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
