My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm like, not good at living.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
